Okay, so today’s story is not quite that bad. But it’s up there!
Got a hankering for some Johnlock, and started reading. The thing about the Sherlock fandom is that it’s pretty mature, and there are good writers out there – people who, if they wrote professionally, I would happily hand over my hard-earned cash for their books. Hell, even the author of the travesty I’m about to discuss has written some good stuff.
But not “Going Once, Going Twice” by prettysailorsoldier on AO3. My main issue with this story is that it’s so completely out of character that it’s unbelievable. I mean if you have to choose any fandom out there, Sherlock is one of the tops when it comes to proper use of language. So it’s quite unbelieable when Sherlock uses the word “wanna” repeatedly, as does other supporting characters. And Sherlock absolutely abhors his brother – but he would never introduce him as “Mike”, even if it’s to get his goat.
There are other good Sherlock stories out there, and like I said, even by this same author. I wouldn’t even consider this a Sherlock story, though. I would consider it a story that happens to have character names the same as you would have found in an episode of the BBC series, “Sherlock” – but that’s where the similarities end.
I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. A messed up word here, a punctuation thing there, and I can overlook it. But there are those that I cannot overlook, and it’s this story: “You’ve Got (Blutbaden) Mail“.
I have a personal pet-peeve when a story description is nothing but a clip from the story. I mean, that can work if you’re actually setting something up for the reader. But the description of this story doesn’t really do much. But it goes beyond that. I personally didn’t get past the first paragraph. Why? Here it is:
It had all started rather innocently. Whilst trawling through Marie’s trailer one late evening, Nick happened across a very old watch. At first he had been cautious as most of the trailers contents were either weapons, books or more weapons. What if it send him back in time? Or forward? What if poisoned the wearer? Holding it up to the light, he had noticed that it was stopped. Its hands frozen forever on three minutes past twelve. He wonders if it has any relevance. Knowing the things that lurk in the dark interior of the trailer, probably. Carefully setting it back down, he forgot about it.
So the things that get me right off the bad are the tense changes – sometimes within the same short sentence. Such as the sentence “Holding up to the light, he had noticed that it was stopped.” Present tense in the first five words, but not the rest of the sentence. Same thing with “Carefully setting it back down, he forgot about it.”
Writers: You give your readers whiplash when you write like this. You need to pick a tense, and stick with it. A good way to tell, is to read your story aloud. If it doesn’t sound right, then you need to fix it. If you’re not a native-English speaker, or if you just don’t know what to fix, then find a beta. It’s relatively easy these days! There’s a community on LiveJournal called “Find Me A Beta“; people are there to help you. Trust me!
If you’re looking for a well written Grimm fic, then try “Hotel California” by VampirePam. She’s only written one work in the Grimm fandom, but it’s phenomenal!
So I’m just bouncing around AO3 going between all the fandoms I’m in, reading what catches my eye. I find this one story in the Don Strachey fandom, and the premise is basically that Don hates clowns.
I hate clowns. Match made in heaven, yes?
So I start reading, “Send In The Clowns, and it’s cute. Don and Timmy are adorable together and I’m digging it. Then we get to the meat of the story – a child disappears during a birthday party. Don’s on the case!
The story’s onlu 7,000 words, so resolution comes quickly. The evil kidnapper is a clown (go figure). But also? He’s a shapeshifter. Seriously. A shapeshifter.
When you’re writing fic, you stick to canon where you need to, and fanon when you need to. Fanon is where you can write in your own take on characters and such. But going from canon/fanon to outright SciFi/Fantasy is just beyond the realm. Worse? The writer included nothing in the notes or summary.
If John Sheppard is a cabdriver, that’s AU. If Simon Banks has wings, that’s AU and fantasy. Don Strachey is a Private Detective in Albany, New York. There aren’t any freaking shape-shifters in Albany. From the story:
Donald laughed softly, the fire in his own eyes matching his partner’s. “Forget having bad guys shoot at you. We’re going to have to pit you against demonic shape-shifters in grease paint and bad wigs more often.”
Don and Timmy don’t even flinch? Just seriously wrong…
I need every slash author to take a pledge with me, please. And that pledge is, “I shall never, ever, now or in the future, refer to a male’s perineum as his ‘taint’.”
::facepalm:: I’m sorry that we had to even broach that subject, but apparently we have to.
I mean seriously… Cry, or want to harm someone, I forget which. And that’s people that IGNORE constructive criticism.
I found a McShep comment ficlet and read it. It definitely needed some touchups, and there was a commenter that said as much. The author blew them off, though they apparently did make the change that needed to be made (“Rodney was exited” versus “Rodney was excited”). Nobody brought up the “loose” thing (which the author used incorrectly – twice), though they should have. And don’t get me started on Sheppard being way out of character…
Then there was the second person, also offering constructive criticism. At that point, apparently, the author had enough – because they stopped answering their comments. I mean, when authors write for free, their payment is comments from the general public. Why not even just acknowledge them back? Ugh.
Bwahahahahahaha!!!! I can’t find words, I’m laughing so hard. I just read this:
When did the words “harder” and “deeper” become monosyllabic? ::snark::