Okay, so today’s story is not quite that bad. But it’s up there!
Got a hankering for some Johnlock, and started reading. The thing about the Sherlock fandom is that it’s pretty mature, and there are good writers out there – people who, if they wrote professionally, I would happily hand over my hard-earned cash for their books. Hell, even the author of the travesty I’m about to discuss has written some good stuff.
But not “Going Once, Going Twice” by prettysailorsoldier on AO3. My main issue with this story is that it’s so completely out of character that it’s unbelievable. I mean if you have to choose any fandom out there, Sherlock is one of the tops when it comes to proper use of language. So it’s quite unbelieable when Sherlock uses the word “wanna” repeatedly, as does other supporting characters. And Sherlock absolutely abhors his brother – but he would never introduce him as “Mike”, even if it’s to get his goat.
There are other good Sherlock stories out there, and like I said, even by this same author. I wouldn’t even consider this a Sherlock story, though. I would consider it a story that happens to have character names the same as you would have found in an episode of the BBC series, “Sherlock” – but that’s where the similarities end.
So I’m just bouncing around AO3 going between all the fandoms I’m in, reading what catches my eye. I find this one story in the Don Strachey fandom, and the premise is basically that Don hates clowns.
I hate clowns. Match made in heaven, yes?
So I start reading, “Send In The Clowns, and it’s cute. Don and Timmy are adorable together and I’m digging it. Then we get to the meat of the story – a child disappears during a birthday party. Don’s on the case!
The story’s onlu 7,000 words, so resolution comes quickly. The evil kidnapper is a clown (go figure). But also? He’s a shapeshifter. Seriously. A shapeshifter.
When you’re writing fic, you stick to canon where you need to, and fanon when you need to. Fanon is where you can write in your own take on characters and such. But going from canon/fanon to outright SciFi/Fantasy is just beyond the realm. Worse? The writer included nothing in the notes or summary.
If John Sheppard is a cabdriver, that’s AU. If Simon Banks has wings, that’s AU and fantasy. Don Strachey is a Private Detective in Albany, New York. There aren’t any freaking shape-shifters in Albany. From the story:
Donald laughed softly, the fire in his own eyes matching his partner’s. “Forget having bad guys shoot at you. We’re going to have to pit you against demonic shape-shifters in grease paint and bad wigs more often.”
Don and Timmy don’t even flinch? Just seriously wrong…
I mean seriously… Cry, or want to harm someone, I forget which. And that’s people that IGNORE constructive criticism.
I found a McShep comment ficlet and read it. It definitely needed some touchups, and there was a commenter that said as much. The author blew them off, though they apparently did make the change that needed to be made (“Rodney was exited” versus “Rodney was excited”). Nobody brought up the “loose” thing (which the author used incorrectly – twice), though they should have. And don’t get me started on Sheppard being way out of character…
Then there was the second person, also offering constructive criticism. At that point, apparently, the author had enough – because they stopped answering their comments. I mean, when authors write for free, their payment is comments from the general public. Why not even just acknowledge them back? Ugh.
Okay, so I can usually take a word or two out of place. You know, the mixup of “your” and “you’re” and the like. It’s not too bad. But when you couple a bunch of them with such an out-of-character description of John Sheppard? Yeah, that makes it pretty bad… That’s how I feel about the SGA/Sentinel fusion story “For Me“.
Now don’t get me wrong. The premise of the story is good. It’s just – I don’t know… REALLY hard to swallow when John Sheppard is so blatantly out of character it’s not even funny. This is the very first passage that includes Sheppard:
He wiped at his eyes hurriedly as he went in search of the enticing aroma his nose was sniffing appreciatively.
He found it in the Gate room scattered in with the new recruits that’d just gated in. Rodney went up to it and buried his face in its neck, sniffing happily.
“What the fuck?” A startled voice exclaimed. But the person it belonged to didn’t try to push him away. Rather strong arms pulled him closer.
After a long moment of ecstatic sniffing Rodney looked up. “Hi,” he said shyly.
Gentle hands cupped his face. “Hello. Mind telling me what you’re doing?”
Seriously. John Sheppard, as emotionally repressed and standoffish as he is, would never willingly let a stranger, who’s suddenly attached to him at the neck, just stay there, much less pull him in closer.
I think there’s so much you could do with an SGA/Sentinel fusion story (and honestly, I think this story could be salvaged by being rewritten to be more in character, etc). I mean seriously – go read esteefee’s “A.W.O.L.“; it’s incredible!
A few of us were talking, and wanted to come up with a way to give anonymous feedback. Well, this site came from that discussion. You know those stories that you sometimes read and just dread having to think of something nice? If those stories make your skin crawl, then what you’re going to find on this site is so far beyond that, it’ll make your skin want to disown you and take root in a camel’s nether regions.
Our first entry had me laughing for so many reasons, in so little space! It was a Hawaii Five-0 story (it’s called “Sorry, Wrong Number”) that I stumbled upon that was so poorly written, and the characters so poorly developed, I had a hard time getting past it. What to do? So much to make fun of, but there’s only a finite space to make fun of things (plus, I have a full time job that I need to do or they don’t pay my ass), so I cut it down to this:
Are you serious? Do you seriously believe that Steve from Hawaii Five-0 is so weak that he’ll fucking CRY if Danny doesn’t fuck him? Seriously? And what’s worse than that? I laughed so hard when I read “I’m going to make love to you” that I think I woke people up. In Nova Scotia. It got so bad that I started saying it at work. I’d get this look in my eye, use a Spanish accent, look at my cubie mate, and then blurt out, “I’m going to make love to you.” Only I don’t think I ever got through the whole sentence without busting out in laughter.
Anyway, I had to share. And now that I have, I expect my minions to all go to work tomorrow, look at the fourteenth person they see, and say lasciviously, “I’m going to make love to you.”