When it’s not horrible, but it can be better

So I was reading a story (found here at this link).  It’s actually kind of cute; the premise is good.  Of course we’re suckers for John Sheppard and his stunted emotions.  There’s actually a lot of intriguing things about this piece of fic.

It’s just that I, personally, cannot get past the idiosyncrasies of the story bits themselves.  Things like this:

“Oh, and Lt, next time you try a stunt like that, you’ll be on inventory duty for the next six months.”

or

(snip)… he had the other man’s back and knew his 2IC had his.

See, these would be considered a distractingly improper use of abbreviations.  That, and several bits of word choices in the piece just are irksome.  This author could very well have use for a beta to sort these things out.

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